


I'll hold your hand, only if you'll hold mine.

by aeipqthy



Series: maybe, things are okay [2]
Category: Julie and The Phantoms (TV)
Genre: M/M, Self-Harm, They're helping each other, both of them are struggling, but they love each other - Freeform, or trying
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-05
Updated: 2020-10-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 20:08:12
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26833432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeipqthy/pseuds/aeipqthy
Summary: Willie and Alex notice each other's self-harm habits and are there to help each other.
Relationships: Alex/Willie (Julie and The Phantoms)
Series: maybe, things are okay [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1955803
Comments: 4
Kudos: 238





	I'll hold your hand, only if you'll hold mine.

**Author's Note:**

> TW: self-harm, mentions of death and possible abuse

It all started when Willie reached out to hold Alex's hand. He looked at his wrist and noticed marks and scratches under the bracelets he wore. Willie assumed that Alex wore the bracelets to hide them, but clearly, that didn't work in his favour.

" _Lex_ , what are these marks on your wrist?"

Alex froze. He didn't think they'd ever have this conversation. At least, not so soon. He immediately drew his hand away from Willie's, fiddling with his fingers in his lap.

"It's nothing, don't worry about it." He lied. 

"Hotdog."

"Just drop it, okay?"

"Lex, I just want t-"

"I said drop it!" Silence fell over them as Alex realised what happened. Willie knew Alex was usually calm, never angry. Maybe a little anxious, but he never lost his temper. To see him snap like that, it shocked Willie.

"Okay, I'm sorry." Willie muttered.

"Willie, I didn't mean to-"

"No, it's okay! Really, I shouldn't have-"

"I'm sorry I-"

Willie reached for Alex's hand, after realising they were both just going to start apologising to each other continuously.

"Hotdog, it's okay. I didn't mean to press, you can tell me when you're ready. Sorry for overstepping." Willie said, smiling lightly at him.

"I'm sorry for raising my voice, I promise I'm not mad. I didn't mean to snap at you like that, I-"

"Hey, it's okay."

** -–—–-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—-–— **

"Did you tell her?"

"I did, but I'm not sure if she had understood what it meant."

After Alex's breakdown at the museum _(something that he still felt a little embarrassed about, but Willie assured him that it was fine)_ , the relationship between them had developed a little more and Alex started to open up about his worries to Willie. They were sitting in the garage as Julie had went off to school while Luke and Reggie went off exploring somewhere, probably to give the two of them some space. Alex was telling Willie about Amanda, and Willie had asked if he had came out to her.

"I realised I was gay when I was 15, but I waited a year before I told anyone. She was only 12 so I don't think she could quite comprehend what I was trying to say."

"How did you tell her?"

"I just said it. I told her I was gay, that I liked guys. Of course she supported me, and I knew she still loved me, but she might have been too young to process it. I thought telling my parents would have been a good idea after I had told Amanda, but that clearly wasn't the case" Alex chuckled bitterly. He started to fiddle with the bracelets on his wrist.

"I'm glad I told them, even if they didn't support me. I'm glad that I told them the truth. But a part of me regrets it so much, because I know that Amanda definitely would have been on the receiving end of my parent's fights. They would have taken it out on her for sure." Willie reached to hold Alex's hand but looked down to see him digging his nails in to his wrist right where he was just playing with his bracelets. _So that's how he got them._ Willie didn't blame him, he knew Alex did it out of habit when he was just naturally in a place of anxiety. Willie knew how he felt, he did something similar. _God, this would be a bad conversation to have if Alex finds out._ It was just a way to make your emotional pain stop for a little while as it turned into physical pain. It helped. It just wasn't a _healthy_ way of coping.

Willie placed his hand gently over Alex's, and whispered, " _Lex_ , don't do that." 

Alex looked down at where Willie gently held his hand, seeing that he was digging his nails into his wrist again. _Shit, Willie found out._ Filled with shame, he looked away and stuffed his hands into his pocket.

"Sorry, you weren't meant to see that." Alex fake chuckled. _How could I have been so stupid? I got way too comfortable, God!_

"I understand, I'll be there to hold your hand whenever that happens, okay?" Willie offered with a warm smile. A quick assurance to Alex that he wasn't judging him by any means.

Alex returned a sheepish smile of thanks.

** -–—–-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—–-–—-–— **

It had been a while and the two had finally made it official. Luke and Reggie had been pestering Alex about it for a while and he genuinely didn't know what their relationship was. Until Willie got the courage to ask him to be his _boyfriend_. Of course he accepted. _Of course, what would you expect?_

Willie didn't share much of his personal life until they became official. It wasn't that he didn't trust Alex, it was just that he would much rather comfort Alex than to be open and vulnerable. The couple sat at the marquee of the Orpheum. Alex had an arm wrapped around Willie as Willie leaned his head on Alex's shoulder. They were talking about Willie's family life.

"Were you guys close?" Alex prompted.

"Not really, they sort of neglected me. They had their own marital issues to take care of so they couldn't care less about me. That's probably what lead me to my death, you know? I wanted attention, I didn't get it. Decided to rebel, but it just backfired."

"Did you have any siblings?"

Willie nodded, "Yeah, I had an older brother. We were pretty close, even if we were 8 years apart in age. I mean, while mom and dad were fighting, all we had was each other." He had started playing with his hands, his right thumb rubbing the center on his left palm.

"When my parents were fighting, he brought me out of the house just so we wouldn't have to be on the receiving end of things being thrown around. Eventually that stopped when my parents yelled at him for bringing me out all the time. So we just stayed at home, and he would sit with me in my room and play games or listen to music. When he turned 20 he moved out, and left me behind. He wanted to take me with him but my parents weren't going to let their 20 year old take care of their 12 year old for the rest of their lives." Willie's thumb rubbing into his palm slowly turned into scratches.

"I started skateboarding to get my mind off things. Since my parents weren't caring about me, I just went around skating everywhere. I tried to find my brother but he was nowhere to be found. Got into trouble with the police and tried to get away by skating into traffic. That's how I died. I never got to find my brother."

Alex noticed Willie digging his nail into his palm, scratching until his skin had started peeling. Willie didn't notice he was doing it until Alex held his wrist and kissed the top of his head. The arm that was around Willie slowly snaked up to his hair, Alex gently running his fingers through his brown locks.

" _Babe_ , stop that, hold my hand." Alex said quietly. Willie's eyes widened in terror as he realised what had happened. _Oh God. Shit! What have I done?_

Willie quickly drew his hands away from Alex's and pulled away from him entirely, his arms wrapping around himself as he looked away shamefully.

"I'm sorry, I didn't- You weren't supposed to- I wasn't- I-" Willie couldn't even speak. He was shaking. Willie was filled with fear as he realised that Alex had seen him do the exact thing he was afraid of him seeing.

"No, it's okay. Come here." Alex offered, holding a hand out for Willie to take.

Willie hesitated before putting his hand in his, feeling the peeled skin of his palm start to sting. Alex gently pulled Willie to his side, cupping his cheek and tilting his head up towards him. He placed a gentle kiss on his lips, before he started to speak.

"Don't worry, we'll help each other get through this, okay? It's going to be alright." Alex smiled lightly at Willie.

Willie could feel tears pricking at his eyes. He never had someone to care about him in such a way. They were both hurting and coping in unhealthy ways, but they were going to get through it together.

_Alex would be there to hold Willie's hand, and Willie would be there to hold his._ Things were going to get better.

**Author's Note:**

> i had the idea that the two of them would harm themselves when they were naturally in a place of anxiety or depression so i decided to play around with that. i hope this wasn't too heavy to read. 
> 
> kudos and comments are greatly appreciated! thanks for reading!


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